I love B-movies because they remind me of high school days and a time before the internet and DVD.  There was something about the hunt for the ultimate weekend movie at the local video store.  I was the kid who fell for the kick ass cover and expected the movie to be as good as the cover art.  I loved VHS and I still do.  While growing up I watched a little bit of Joe Bob Briggs when the parents were not around or paying attention.  He is partly responsible for why I watch those B-movies and have this site.

After spending most of Saturday at the Dallas Comic Con, I passed by the Texas Frightmare Weekend table to pick up some flyers to hand out at work.  Turns out one of the Noel Gross with the TFW has a site of his own that also helps the cause of letting the world know about B-movies.  You can check it out here CineSchlock-O-Rama

It is nice to know the love for this genre does not go unnoticed and I will use these guys as a source of inspiration.

I hope to do a write up for Black Devil Doll soon as it appears some Fancy Bastards watched it over the weekend.  I’d like to get their take on what they thought.  Until then…

Picked up a few flicks to add to the collection.  A few new ones to me and one old friend.  Movie Trading Company is a gold mine at times and I enjoy spending time there when we have free time.

One of the additions was a trailer we saw during Chupacabra Terror which was The Cave.  Let’s have a look

Another movie had things I look for in a shitty movie, ninjas and Casper Van Dien as a cop.  Who could ask for anything more..This is Mask of the Ninja

This one is actually not so much a shitty movie but just odd enough to work.  I saw a trailer for this and I thought it would work well on a shitty movie night as a filler.  This is Otis

The last one is a sure fire WIN and I’m going to have to write up a review for it when we have a re-watch of this classic gem.  You can add this to your list of movies for shitty movie night for sure.  Feel the power of The Machine Girl!!

…just kidding

These two power houses were not in the same movie but we will review their movies anyway.  In this post we will examine the deep dark under belly of the Pelt business which turns out to be run by former rock legends and finally uncover the truth about the elusive chupacabra.

We will start with Pelts which is apart of the Masters of Horror series.  It is directed by the legendary Dario Argento who you might know from Suspira.  The movie stars Meat Loaf and John Saxon, who is really in the movie for about 10 minutes to I guess help with the plot.  The Master of Horror series is kinda like Tales from the Crypt but much more violent.

So honestly I am not sure if Meat Loaf knew he was in this movie as I am convinced they just filmed him between making records because Meat Loaf is a creepy guy.  Mr. Loaf is the owner of a company that makes Pelts from things like….well you know things that die and can be pelted or something.

When Mr. Loaf is not making Pelts he is trying to catch the eye of Scary Spice

He is given a tip about some sweet ass Pelts of the likes never seen in (insert city or town here).  Little does Meat know that these Pelts are cursed by raccoons that must have belong to Indians and were buried along side these Indians or somesuch….dude serious I don’t know what the fuck was happening.

This movie had a lot of promise based on key words like Meat Loaf, sadistic backwoods trapper, sexy stripper, Meat Loaf, cursed and Pelts but honestly it could have been better.  Now I will say if you can make it through it does build up to a pretty funny ending.  Now if you feel you are on your A Game then this is a great movie to riff on because seriously just think about everything Meat Loaf has done and you can find use for it in this movie.  If adult beverages are involved in your shitty movie then this could be acceptable.  There is a decent amount of bad looking gore which helps.  Sorry Mr. Loaf but Pelts gets a 2 out of 5 tuxedo footballs

For the second review we study the myth of the Chupacabra.  Now as a Mexican I can say that we don’t have many legends or myths like Bigfoot or Loch Ness so we hold the Chupacabra near and dear to our heart.  So when I found out that Gimbli would be starring in the made for television adaptation of the Mexican myth “Chupacabra Terror” I could have not been more proud…until about 5 minutes into this movie.

Chupacabra Terror is like Jurassic Park taking place on the Titanic with a special appearance of Charlie Sheen’s Navy SEALS and blown to high hell with come C4.  This is the story of a scientist who wants the wild animal for SCIENCE!!  I was not sure why they were hunting it in what appeared to be Cuba but whatever.  This precious cargo is place on the cruise ship of Captain Gimbli. There are many twists and turns from the very start……I’m kidding it’s pretty retarded.  After a fair amount of stock footage of a cruise ship that they are clearly are not on take note of the set that looks like a college dorm.

The plot thickens when it turns out Captain Gimbli’s daughter is on board along with the souls of many passengers and that is when the hilarious ensues!!  The acting is pretty stellar because you really feel like you are on a ship with a Chupacabra on board.

This probably isn’t the best for a shitty movie night but again if a fair amount of adult beverages are being served then this might be ok.  You’ll have to have some really witty friends to help riff this one.  It’s really too bad because there was so much potential for a movie with this title.  There are some moments like  this classic scene from Die Hard

At some point the Navy SEALS show up and pulls this movie together.  It turns out the cruise ship is like 5 miles from some kind of island that has Navy SEAL’s standing by so yeah….that happens.

Overall I was hoping for more but there are some classic lines that will draw a laugh or two but they are too far in between each other.  Again if you work hard you can use some Gimbli material but you’ll have to be on your A game.  Maybe one of the characters you can riff on the most is the daughter (played by Chelan Simmon) so find your stride early with her and work from there.  Another Chupacabra movie and another fail.  Chupacabra Terror gets a 2 out of 5 tuxedo footballs

Last weekend we had the fortunate pleasure of watching Black Dynamite at the Dallas Inwood Theatre as apart of the Midnight Movie Series.  The history of this movie for us goes back to the days when I still worked at Gearbox Software.  During a crunch week/month we came across this gem and we would not wait for it.  Sadly it was some time before we hear about this again.  During that period lots of movies came and went but the faith was still there.  The running thing about this was that Denise got an email from either the director or producer of the movie via MySpace about how they heard us talking about the movie on the Hijinks Ensue podcast.

Much like waiting for your Senior Prom since a freshman in high school to know what it is like to be loved, Black Dynamite made its way into theatres.

Black Dynamite is a call back to blaxsplotation with a great sense of humor.  Now I would not consider this a “shitty movie” but they know all the key points of these kinds of movies and cash in all their chips for this flick.  The movie stars Michael Jai White from such classics as Spawn and Soul Food (the tv show not movie).  He is a Vietnam Vet who is an ex-CIA special operator who is trained in the deadly art of Kung Fu with a heart of gold but a militant brother who is trying to keep smack off the streets and out of the hands of the orphans but can satisfy the ladies….Phew!!

The story is simple about how “The Man” is trying to bring down the brothers but it is the small little details that make this movie great.  Set design is great in that it look like it was filmed in various friends houses with lighting that can only be called horrid with long shadows and non balanced and a few boom mics here and there.  What I loved was the classic use of rack focus done in the most poor way that gives it that real 70’s feel.  The dialog is just perfect and well executed comic timing really gets the crowd rolling in their seats.  There is a great cast of characters from Vietnam buddies to masters of Kung Fu with a special appearance of a certain person in a “White House”.

This is a must watch for fan of good humor and subtitle details and absurd plot points.  I am a fan of Kung Fu mixed in random moments of plot point with an occasional explosion or two.

I can’t say for sure but I think either Weta Workshop or ILM may have had a hand in this one but I will have to do further research on that…

If you love good humor and shitty movie night this is a MUST WATCH when it comes out on DVD.  It is currently playing in limited release around the country so go out and support it and movies of this nature.  Black Dynamite gets a 5 out of 5 tuxedo footballs.

Black Dynamite for the win!!

Update coming soon as the gang was lucky enough to catch the midnight show at the Inwood Theatre in Dallas.

In what can only be seen as a good omen for the site, Telemundo is airing Shaolin vs. Evil Dead.  This classic was one of the first movies watched by the entire Hijinks Ensue crew in which hopping vampires fight some Shaolin dudes to the death.  This was a great shitty movie night flick and enjoyed by many.  If Telemundo is airing it then I must have been on to something as Telemundo has one of the most power signals for television.

Have a look and have a good week everyone!!

A small group of us got together to end the holiday season with some movies before work on Monday.  The menu called for some Zombi 2 ( yes it’s spelled that way cause it’s Italian) and Monster Man.

I guess I should make the rating system clear for movies of this nature.  You have to remember that since these are movies that for the most part are going straight to dvd so when I say “it’s great” then it probably means it is a film that requires special friends/wife/girlfriend/partner to sit all the way through.  With that in mind…

Let us begin with Zombi 2 which was our first course.

This was the 25th year anniversary edition of this movie.  There was some hype built up for this and right from the start you could tell that it was a bad video to dvd transfer which can be a plus sometimes.  This zombie movie was an Italian movie directed by Lucio Fulci and from the start I thought we were going to watch what appeared to be a porn.  This movie could be considered a “cult” classic as it was made around the golden age of Zombie movies.  I will say that it was “ok” as I was hoping for more gore and some other fine moments of cinema.  I am sure in 1979 people were throwing up in their popcorn buckets but not so much in 2010.

Now if you are with a group that is good with doing live riffing of a movie then this movie does have it’s moments for sure.  Maybe the best of the whole movie was the shark fighting zombie scene….and yes the SHARK was fighting the zombie.  There is another scene with an eyeball which is not as great but in 1979 it was amazing.  This movie had some great laughs and good moments of live riffing.  I would recommend this for a Halloween party but as an early show to get the early people at your party warmed up.  Zombi 2 is also good riffing material if you have the crowd to do it.

Zombi 2 gets a 3 out of 5 tuxedo footballs

On to the second movie of the evening.  Monster Man would be the follow up and didn’t dissapoint….too much.

After watching the trailer I had high hopes for this flick.  Monster Man didn’t go as over the top as I was hoping but it did deliver in some areas.  It gave me a monster truck, rednecks, glory holes (yes that kind of glory hole) and some funny gore gags which all were a plus.

The film seemed like a rip off of some Kevin Smith type of characters on a road trip which isn’t explained right away.  This comes off as a very Sci-Fi channel or Chiller channel type of movie.  This movie will be good if adult beverages will be had for the viewing.  It could have used more Monster Truck in my opinion but make note of the construction of the truck.  If you have the dvd in hand take a second to check out the special features as the animated/storyboard trailer as it was pretty fun.

This is a good fun flick if you are into horror movies in general and there is a pretty damn funny sex scene with the female lead in the movie Aimee Brooks.

I won’t spoil what happens but geeks around the picture tube will have a good laugh.  This movie is directed by Michael Davis who was the man behind Shoot ‘Em Up.  Don’t expect the kind of production value or movie that Shoot ‘Em Up is but take that movie and subtract 35% and you find Monster Man.  For a Halloween party this could be the one or two spots before your main event showing.  I enjoyed Monster Man and it gets a 3 out of 5 tuxedo footballs

I am always looking to add to my collection.  This holiday season was no exception and a local shop near by has been a nice new hunting ground.  I have been trying to get over the sick and I needed to get out of the house for just a little bit.  Entertainment Mart was the site of the hunt.  Let me explain why this was a good hunting ground and what you can look for when you are on the hunt.  When entering Entertainment Mart there was a large amount of neon lights and movie posters for Karate Kid 3 and RoboCop….this is a huge plus and the kind of signs to be on the look out for.  These are the kind of things I saw as a kid in the VHS store trying to find ninja and action man movies.

Check out Entertainment Mart here Entertainment Mart Hunting

On to the catch of the day

I was a little upset that I was not finding what I was looking for and it was at that point that I had given up I found what I was looking for.

This one took my breathe away on first look and was added to the pile

Here is all you need to know: Monster Trucks, Killer and college kids driving cross country.  It is like adding hot dog bits into a box of mac and cheese.

The other two are a bit of a gamble and might be more of a bust but worth the shot for 2.99 a pop.  I did find youtube videos but didn’t find them worth posting.

I hope to add reviews later once these are viewed and get a proper report.  Until then…..happy hunting

UPDATE:

Turns out that one of the films I picked up last night might be a blue chip movie.  A blue chip by definition is “a certain type of security” or “the highest denomination chips in poker games” and “collegiate athletes who are targeted by professional sports teams” so what I am getting at is we might have a possible diamond in the rough.

The film is The Monster Hunter starring the late great David Carradine.  I am finding some reviews that say it was awful and made it’s way to Showtime cable in early 2003.  This are all good signs for a bad movie with high value.  I still can’t find a good video clip but all reports have lots of gore and over the top kind of action.  More to come…

Hope everyone had a good Xmas and got lots of shitty movies in your stockings and under the tree.  This year will end the tradition of a New Year starting with Win, Lose or Draw and shitty movies however it appears we will try to get something going on Saturday instead (Unless I can’t get over the sick).  Josh has suggested this because he got Zombi 2 for Xmas.  Let’s have a look I hope to bring you as much in the way of shitty movies for you and your loved ones as it was an important piece of America that Christopher Columbus wanted all of us to have. Check back for updates and reviews!!