Oh well shit here we go. I have had audio equipment that i used with the Hijinks Ensue Podcast and that I use for recording music from time to time that I needed to set up. It took finding some power supplies and such but it is up and running now so what is the first thing I do to test it? The YATMA (You Are Tearing Me Apart) podcast is what I do to test it of course.

This is the first episode and really I just explain what the hell I am doing with this blog and where the name You Are Tearing Me Apart come from.

It is all new and I am not use to doing this on my own so let’s see if it is as good as anything coming out of SyFy right now but leave comments and let me know what you think.

download here

At Texas Frightmare Weekend (April 30-May 2 2010) this year I scored a nice stash of dvds to put into the collection. This is yet another great reason to check out Texas Frightmare Weekend. From zombies to vampires and a little sprinkle of Ninja, you can’t go wrong at the con.

Here is a little preview of waht is coming down the line

Zombie Hunter Rika
Zombie Self Defense Force
Zombie Killer Vortex (This one will be tough because there are no subtitles)
Zombie Campout
Prison A-Go-Go
Blod on the Highway
Irish American Ninja

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BiFUQxK_XZ4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYxPUIxqjS4

Obviously I’m a fan of 80’s horror if you have not figured that out by now. Everyone talks about the fashion styles, music and of course the Cold War but since I was a kid growing up in the 80’s what I remember are the great horror movies that influenced me so much. I’m in a creative field for my day job so watching all this cheesy stuff growing up was great.

This time around we will talk about a movie that is super influenced by that period so much so you’d think that the movie was filmed in the 80’s. Let’s talk The Convent

I found out about this movie from my Art Director and one of my Sr. Artists at work so I had to check it out. The movie starts out with a bang as a hardcore chick enters a church and kicks some ass right from the start which is explained later. You can tell right away you are in for a good time with the low end graphics and camera angles.

The opening shot takes place in 1960 so from there we flash forward to modern day with the classic story of kids doing “the POT” and drinking adult beverages with some pre-martial sex!! What is this world coming to!! It’s a classic story of college kids trying to do all these illegal acts of the law at the local hang out which is The Convent. On the way to the convent they pass a house which is “the local crazy lady” who is the town legend of…..well being crazy I guess. She is the lady who shut down the convent for her acts of terror (she is the lady in the opening sequence but I don’t want to spoil it for you).

And that boys and girls is about it. The rest is classic 80’s…turns out the place is haunted, people are trying to concur evil spirits with virgin sacrifice, having sex before marriage is bad and leads to death by gore and just about anything else you can think of.

The group is stuck in the convent and is trying to get help before evil spirits escape and kill everyone. I will say the movie starts a little slow but really picks up speed about 1/4 way through and it is fun gore and fun. The dialog is so spot on for a movie like this. Some real winners are “You know Karate? ‘Cuz that ass is kickin’!” and a personal favorite of mine “I’m gonna lock your ass up so tight they’re gonna need a combination to visit your nuts….white boy” which is delivered by none other than Coolio!!

Once the flood gates open the fun really kicks in and I have not even talked about the best part of all this….Adrienne fucking Barbeau. If you grew up watching Swamp Thing or Creepshow then you are familiar with her work. She is the final part of the equation to make the feel of an 80’s movie. She comes in and wraps up this flick with some shotgun justice!!

This is a really really fun movie and if you are having a movie watching night I would recommend this as a warm up to your main event. There are great moments and dialog that will have you throwing your hands up with laughter. The Convent gets 4 out of 5 tuxedo footballs

So as a few of you might know I am in the comic strip Hijinks Ensue and although we have not done it in a long time, I also do the Hijinks Ensue Podcast with creator Joel Watson.

In Episode 10 of the Podcast we talk about various things but the one topic that was brought up was the movie Undefeatable. This is entry is about the history of that movie.

So when we were going to get together for the Podcast I thought of an idea and what was really a social experiment.  The idea was to take one of my shitty movies and send it to a listener but after watching the movie it would need to be sent to the next person on the list.  I wanted to see how far this would travel and if it would make it back.  Honestly I did not expect the movies back.  The movies were some of the first watched as a collective group that watched bad movies on a regular basis.  Part of the catch was that the movie was a VHS tape.  I wanted to add to the experiment by seeing who would still have a VCR player to even watch this.  Well the list was created and the video was sent out.  Star Date: May 2008

Here is the thread on this whole experiment

Let’s talk a little bit about the movies shall we.  I won’t do a full review because it was about two years ago when I saw them.  The first one is Undefeatable which has what some call “worst fight scene ever filmed” which I would say “most AWESOME fight scene ever” but that’s just me.  The movie is an 80’s style action movie starring Cynthia Rothrock which was made in 1994.  Basically she’s a bad ass and some bad dude mess with her family and she kicks their asses in their ass.  I would post the video of the fight at the ending but honestly if you want to really enjoy the flick for a movie night save it until then.  It will be worth the wait!!

Robo Vampire was the other movie sent out. Again I won’t do a review this time around just because this was also about two years ago when we last saw it. Just have a look at the cover…doesn’t that tell you enough? Now sadly RoboCop is not in the movie and neither is that sweet gun he is holding. It was a fun flick because when you see how NOT close to looking like RoboCop they came you will laugh to tears. You will also see the zombies of the East and their stranger belief of how they look. Zombies that bunny hop…..that’s all you need to know.

So those movies went out about May of 2008.
So let’s turn our clock to present day. After being out at sea for a little over two years the movies have returned home to the mothership. The movies came back with some gifts as the last person felt bad for taking a little longer than expected to ship the movies out. We got the movies back with another movie that was added. There was also a few potato chips native to the Kansas City area some native to the Idaho area and a box full of fortune cookies!! We have decided to give the cookies out at every movie night until the box is done. It was a fun experiment and although it only went out to 3 other people, it’s good to have it back home. Who knows….maybe we’ll try it again on this site if there is a request for it

I hope everyone is enjoying my blog entries and they are useful for getting friends together to have a laugh. I do this because it reminds me of being at my uncle’s house watching these types of movies. Just remember that when you walk into a video store probably 80% of the store is crap so have some fun with it!!

So the bar has been set……again?  This site is dedicated to movies that are so bad they are great and in some cases just awesome fun flicks of all genres.  The bar for me was set back when I was introduced to The Room which obviously has heavy influence on this website.  That movie is a true masterpiece in the way of creating something so awful that it is maybe one of the greatest things put on film.  It is that bad it is good.  Well boys and girls sit your bottoms down and be shocked that something has been made that give The Room and run for its money.  That film is titled Birdemic: Shock and Terror.

Birdemic was directed by James Nguyen and you could say that it was partly inspired by The Birds which was directed by the great Hitchcock…..you could also say it’s partly inspired by that growth that you get on your feet when you get old and there is nothing you can do about.  Birdemic is a movie that is trying to teach us that if we don’t take care of mother earth that Al Gore will make you give him a massage and ask for a happy ending…..oh god it’s already happening!!!

I came across this gem a few months back when a list went out that talked about some of the worst movies ever made.  I saw that challenge and gladly accepted.  Now something to consider about this movie is that a crowd viewing party is required.  Again let me strongly advise against trying to watch this alone in any shape or form.  If viewed incorrectly could cause serious damage.

The movie starts with our hero Rod who scores a big sale in business which will make him rich.  It’s a good transaction of technology which he uses to turn a profit by selling another idea of science and technology and he scores even more money.  While he is talking with his buddy about how he wishes he could share his success and fortune with someone attractive and blonde and has the strength to fight off a bird attack….behold the run in with Nathalie.  Nathalie is a up and coming model who hopes to one day score a deal with Victoria Secret and holy shit if she doesn’t score a deal after one photo shoot. They meet by chance and it is a match made in heaven.

After a romantic dinner

The photo shoot that wins the eye of Victoria Secret!!

Does it sound like I’m dumbing down the story?  Well let me tell you that writing this blog has had more thought out dialog than the movie!!  What they don’t know is that humans are abusing mother earth and her wrath is about to take form in the shape of birds.
After a hot night of rolling around in a bed at what appears to be a Motel 6, the new successful couple wakes up to the horror of birds attacking the city!! The horror and the terror….and that is just the dialog and pacing thus far!!

The birds take no mercy on anyone when the shit hit the fan!!
In one of the scenes it is clear that this movie is full of win as tourists try to get off a bus and are killed by what I think was bird poop….I think? Our heroes use whatever they can find to fight off the birds. Only what is laying around will be their weapons to escape the horror!! Rocks, coat hangers, sticks and full automatic machine guns which were around the corner!!

Here are some awesome lines from the movie

“Hey, look! There’s an old guy on the bridge!”

“I hear a mountain lion! I gotta get back to my house and you better get to your car!”

“Where’s Becky?”, “She’s taking a shit. Nathalie is watching her back.”

“I can’t believe you are making me watch this!!  This shit better not carry on after we get married!!” – not said in the movie but said during the show

In the end Birdemic is something that you have to see to believe. It has already been called the “Best Worst Movie ever made”. After thinking about it and much debate I am going to keep the championship belt with The Room as “Best Worst Movie ever made” but this movie was a real close second. What made this movie special was all the crowd participation and MST3k type of feel among the group. Currently Birdemic is doing a nation wide screening tour that is playing at midnight at most stops. I do highly recommend seeing it if it comes through your town with as big of a group as possible. When it comes out on DVD you want to make sure your watching party is big and you already have a love for shitty movies.

Birdemic:Shock and Terror gets 4 out of 5 tuxedo footballs and a special Lisa recognition of excellence