I grew up in the 80’s with ninja movies, horror flicks, cyborg movies and a vast world of these types of movies mixed together.  Near the late 80’s movie studios realized what they needed to do.  Their plan was to take these types of movies and put them all into one movie.  One of these movies that had this formula put to it was Road House.

So when I saw Road House 2 in the discount isle of Wal-Mart while picking up Valentine chocolates I couldn’t say no.  Could my childhood memories be full filled with this title.  Could this be as big as Temple of Doom or Empire Strikes Back….

Let’s review Road House 2

So based on the cover you think we will have a real tribute to the original Road House but sadly that would not be the case.  There is no “Double Duce” but instead the “Black Pelican” and instead of a blind guitar player we get a midget.  You will note the large breasted females on the cover that are somewhat of a trademark of Road House.  Much like if you go into a Arby’s you’ll expect to get the shits.  Well I’ll save you a little time because these two females show up during the opening credits and are not to be seen again.

The one thing I could not tell from the cover was who our hero for the next hour and a half was going to be.  Obviously it was NOT Mr. Swayze and the name Johnathon Schaech doesn’t mean much until I see the face that goes along with that name.  Whole crap would Mr. Tom Hanks be proud.  It is none other than Jimmy from the WONDERS!!

Things are really looking up with the cast is just filled with all-stars when Jake Buesy is introduced as our villain “Wild Bill”.  He is not as big of a player in the movie as we’d hope but his few moments are pretty good and you can pretty much think of his dad for riffing.

So as the movie goes you find out that our hero Shane Taner ( and as a note here: Yes I was thinking who the hell is this Shane Taner and how is he related to Dalton. Well according to the movie he is the son of Dalton but I almost refuse to believe that Dalton’s last name was Taner…Dalton Taner.  What a bunch of horse shit.  I don’t get it and refuse to recognize in a court a law that Taner is the last name. I was not at the screenwriting meetings so nothing could be done at the time but wish that ILM could have gone back and made a special edition of Road House 2 and removed all references of Taner and add the Death Star explosion) is a DEA agent in NYC and….well whatever he goes to Louisiana to run his uncles bar because his uncle runs into the wrong people in a city that has only 3 cops in it.  Seriously there are only 3 cops because they made note of that in the movie for you but also take note how large the “small town” is as the movies goes unfolds.  So yeah he fights dudes in a town cause his dad was a bad ass and he screws the small town hottie because she’s never felt the touch of a “city man” and blah blah blah.  There are little to no ties to Road House but there is plenty of material to riff on if you play your cards right.

A few things for you in the movie that make it great for riffing.  The first happens early and you can play it how you will but there is a DEA bust early and the stripper is undercover.  Ask yourself where the gun comes from and sound effects always help….

There are some great flashback moments similar to any Van Damme movie that he has ever made

This movie does have a few gems that I’d like to think of as Wiseau Moment.  I would define a Wiseau Moment as something that is almost shoehorned in so badly it has to be pointed out.  It is something that is almost over the top it’s just awesome.

One of these moments is what I’d like to think is one of the top 5 busting through a window moments in cinema history.  So Shane is out to put the plot together and captures one of the bad guys.  How does he do this you ask?  He uses a trash can lid and it is glorious.

Another great moment is during the boss fight at the end.  The fighting is a mix of some kind of martial art with street fighting and a bunch of nonsense.  There was NOT nearly enough fighting for a movie that has the name Road House in the title but the ending does make up for it just a little.  Again so much to riff on but one of the fighting moves is such a fail that I was amazed it made the final edit.

So overall Road House two was missing a lot of things like fighting and big boobs.  These are some of the corner stone elements of Road House.  There was more gun fights than anything else.  We didn’t get a real tough boss like Jackie Treehorn as Jake Buesy didn’t live up to the bill but it’s ok.  This movie was a real kick to the balls BUT I would recommend this for a possible double feature on a shitty movie night.  There is lots of gold but you’ll have to be on your A game to score on all of it but being that it was Valentines when we watched it I think you will be able to score lots of points with Road House 2.  Road House 2 gets 4 out of 5 tuxedo footballs.