Obviously I’m a fan of 80’s horror if you have not figured that out by now. Everyone talks about the fashion styles, music and of course the Cold War but since I was a kid growing up in the 80’s what I remember are the great horror movies that influenced me so much. I’m in a creative field for my day job so watching all this cheesy stuff growing up was great.

This time around we will talk about a movie that is super influenced by that period so much so you’d think that the movie was filmed in the 80’s. Let’s talk The Convent

I found out about this movie from my Art Director and one of my Sr. Artists at work so I had to check it out. The movie starts out with a bang as a hardcore chick enters a church and kicks some ass right from the start which is explained later. You can tell right away you are in for a good time with the low end graphics and camera angles.

The opening shot takes place in 1960 so from there we flash forward to modern day with the classic story of kids doing “the POT” and drinking adult beverages with some pre-martial sex!! What is this world coming to!! It’s a classic story of college kids trying to do all these illegal acts of the law at the local hang out which is The Convent. On the way to the convent they pass a house which is “the local crazy lady” who is the town legend of…..well being crazy I guess. She is the lady who shut down the convent for her acts of terror (she is the lady in the opening sequence but I don’t want to spoil it for you).

And that boys and girls is about it. The rest is classic 80’s…turns out the place is haunted, people are trying to concur evil spirits with virgin sacrifice, having sex before marriage is bad and leads to death by gore and just about anything else you can think of.

The group is stuck in the convent and is trying to get help before evil spirits escape and kill everyone. I will say the movie starts a little slow but really picks up speed about 1/4 way through and it is fun gore and fun. The dialog is so spot on for a movie like this. Some real winners are “You know Karate? ‘Cuz that ass is kickin’!” and a personal favorite of mine “I’m gonna lock your ass up so tight they’re gonna need a combination to visit your nuts….white boy” which is delivered by none other than Coolio!!

Once the flood gates open the fun really kicks in and I have not even talked about the best part of all this….Adrienne fucking Barbeau. If you grew up watching Swamp Thing or Creepshow then you are familiar with her work. She is the final part of the equation to make the feel of an 80’s movie. She comes in and wraps up this flick with some shotgun justice!!

This is a really really fun movie and if you are having a movie watching night I would recommend this as a warm up to your main event. There are great moments and dialog that will have you throwing your hands up with laughter. The Convent gets 4 out of 5 tuxedo footballs